I shall be a little in my feelings today. No pretty pictures just an emotion and epiphany that came over me last week about allowing people into your space read opening and closing the doors to your peace of mind.
With much anxiety I made the decision to shut some people out of my life. Closing the doors on these friendships didn’t come from a place of malice but rather a need to be able to grow as I needed without snide comments or constantly feeling the need to explain my personal goals. At the time I needed people to “get it” I needed them to “get me” and unfortunately some people didn’t meet the challenge and as hard as it was I had to let go.
In my letting go, I found myself in the company of magnificent women from the interwebs and real life who got it. They fed my need to continuously grow and thrive and strive for better. They understood that it’s truly not cool to be in the same place, doing the same things you did in your 20s that don’t contribute to long term financial, physical and spiritual sustainability.
As I find myself in a good space now. A space that needs no confirmation or support from anyone I contemplated reopening a few doors because I have a forgiving heart and the desire to love those in open who I have known for many years. These thoughts crossed my mind for a few days. I even wrestled with them. One day last week someone reached out to me. A person I don’t know and shared some information with me about a door I was going to attempt to reopen. Whether the information she shared with me was true or not, it was enough to bring that situation back to light (in my truth) and let me know that at times it is okay to truly move forward and love people from a distance.
As sad as it is, I am having these weird feelings of letting go again. The result this time since I’ve gotten myself and my circle together? I’ve found that it is quite okay to shut SOME doors, LEAVE them shut and even add a storm/burglar door to which I have no key.
Have you reopened closed doors? How did that work for YOU? Do you believe in forgiving and forgetting and trusting again?
*Today’s post is sponsored by The Style Network*
If I had a penny, or even half of a penny for every post that I’ve encountered on the blogosphere talking about how Moms and women in general feel about juggling everything from families and careers to being a SAHM and finding time for oneself I would be a rich lady. Very rich.
We see the balancing act daily in our real lives and even on television. Tia and Tamera on The Style Network epitomizes the struggle of trying to be a Mom while juggling career and entrepreneurship dreams. Tia and Tamera are back for season 3 on The Style Network and from the looks of it they are all about finding balance. Take a peek at a clip for the upcoming season! The new season debuts on Sunday, July 14 at 8/7C on Style.
If you could stand to win $2000 swing by Tia and Tamera’s Style Network Page for information on how to enter their Instagram “Who Is Your &(And)?” contest which requires you to take a photo with your favorite person and tag Tia and Tamera on Instagram. Click the link for detailed instructions. Also be sure to follow The Style Network on Instagram.
When it comes to finding balance my opinion of having it all is quite different and I suppose it is attributed to the fact that I’ve worked, and wanted this amazing career and hit the glass ceiling very early on. Hit my head so hard forget climbing back down the ladder I just fell from the top rung and was left splatted and laid out cold on the floor. I woke up dazed and confused wondering why I was at the bottom when it took so long to get to the top and I had sacrificed time with my family and most importantly my happiness.
When I finally peeled myself off of the linoleum I got up with the help of some smelling salts and went soul searching and I found that indeed while there are things that I want, there are external factors that I can’t control. When I realized I could only control my reactions to those factors I became a very happy person. I choose to see the good in everything and everybody until I am proven wrong. I set goals and I plan out the road maps to get to them as reasonably as I can.
See I think people struggle with this because they are trying to go against the grain of what is natural. What is natural is different for everybody but for ME I’ve learned the needs of my family trump everything and I live my life accordingly. I’m not always the best mother and wife but at this point in my life having it all is making sure they are happy, and second comes growing a successful career working from home. My priorities are as such and in that order. When I feel stressed I go back to what’s most important and I work everything else around that.
Finding balance hasn’t been easy and from day to day I feel like I’m dangling over the Grand Canyon by my puny arms but I start over fresh daily. Looking at what I did right and what I did wrong and moving forward. I demand certain things when it comes to making time for myself and I will act a fool if folks don’t cooperate so they know first hand about happy Mommy/Wife makes for a happy life.
If I had to offer any suggestions on “finding balance” I would say from experience:
- Make self care a priority, make time for yourself.
- If you don’t feel like doing it. Don’t do it. If folks won’t starve, be dirty, or hurt themselves it can wait.
- Give it your best, that is all you can do.
- Don’t let other people’s goals drive you.
Are you a fan of Tia and Tamera? How do you find balance? Or are you all like what balance?!
So when life throws you lemons, the general consensus is you should be catching these small round objects whilst ducking to avoid getting hit from others that are undoubtedly being hurled at you. In the midst of bobbing, and weaving please add in squeezing, and the pouring in of sugar and water. Don’t forget to carefully stir all of these ingredients together in a nice southern inspired glass pitcher fit for a wrap around porch in the heat of summer.
On a good day I’m all about wetting your whistle with the sweet tartness that makes all well on a hot summer day. However, on today I feel like emptying all of the lemonade that I’ve made into a super soaker and having target practice.
I. AM. TIRED.
See the thing with faith is those days come when you truly want to throw in the towel and admit defeat. Today is that day. The past few months have been a true roller coaster ride and I’m sure we all know when we’ve hit that rock bottom, that throw your hands in the air moment and I’m not talking about waving them around like you just don’t care in the party sense..but very much so in the literal.
These past few weeks have proven to be a challenge in the worse kind of way. This house situation has consumed me for the past year and the place where we are now offers up a whole ‘nother level of risk and reward. I promise to share more later in the week but today I just cried and needed to come here to my virtual couch to sit and have a chat.
In return for being such gracious listeners, can I offer you a glass of lemonade, I sure have a lot of it to go around. I’m pretty sure at this point putting it in a water gun and going to town will be the equivalent of pumping 6 oz of breastmilk and knocking the bottle over. I know about this.
I would rather give you some refreshment, read encouragement. If I’m still pressing you should to.
By the way, I’m offering you a glass of good, wholesome southern lemonade…cause I know nothing about the Mike’s Hard variety. Nothing.
How you doin’?
It’s Friday and hopefully you can steal away for a few minutes to just indulge in something you enjoy and relax after a long week. Personally as a mother stealing away may involve a solo car ride or as one of my blog buddies says a good game of hide and seek where Mama is the one hiding in the closet!
Seriously, when its time to wind down and relax nothing really sets the mood like the flicker and faint scent that comes from a candle. I have gotten away from buying candles like I used to so I was thrilled when I was gifted a s’Adonner Orange Ginger soy candle for my birthday. The scent is light and relaxing. So while I can’t send you away to a spa or take your children for the day I can give you a candle that will help you relax your nerves or might I add kindle a flame with your boo thang!
Giveaway will run for one week! Good Luck!
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The other day I had a fleeting thought about how absolutely fantastic it would be when I get to Walmart and forget what I came for, or pull up at the bank drive thru only to realize I left the check at home, or when my son is talking non stop,or when I am trying to make some sense of the 50 million things running through my mind at any given time, that clad in my skinny jeans with my lipgloss poppin’, I could stop WHEREVER I am (spectators welcomed) and do the Wonder Woman twirl. As I’m twirling my wrist cuffs would emit super powers to magically exonerate each task on my to do list, and even quiet a crying or overly talkative child.
Yeah right. Fast forward to a post by Mama Locs regarding her practice of keeping a pen and paper handy to jot down the things she has to do, and another post by Being Mrs. Jones about what she would like her day to look like, I embarked on a journey to find a journal that could fit in my purse and keep my to do lists and daily plans neat, and in one place. Lo and behold I found this at my local Walmart, on clearance!
So now..let’s just hope it serves its purpose, and the pages aren’t torn out by a 4 year old, or I don’t write my name 100 times in different penmanship styles (yes, I still doodle)! Here’s to my new journal, and my first step…next week, on the journey to becoming better organized. Will you join me!!!
Do share your tried and true tips for organization, or will you be joining me in trying to organize the mind and tangible clutter in your home and life?!!
In light of the recent events with the “postal” flight attendant, you know the one who curses out the airline passenger over the intercom, proceeds to crack open a brew and then brazenly lets out the escape chute and takes a slide, it seems more people than not are quietly longing for their own Steven Slater moment.
We’ve all had that split second reaction when we just wanted to scream at the kids, the dog, or whoever was in wrath’s path but just couldn’t because it wasn’t the right thing to do. These moments come all to frequently for me ( I’m just keeping it “real”) but I have become the master at escaping from reality and mentally fleeing to the “Me, Myself, and I” spot in a New York minute.
“Me, Myself and I” spot? Glad you asked, in this space I control my emotions, and loud outbursts and cursing are not allowed! Being here allows me to edit my thoughts and strategically plan out my next move or spoken words. It seems as though when we lash out at others we are allowing them to secretly control parts of our being and that is not cool. Combating someone else’s foolishness with a calm head and a if we weren’t in this office, school, house etc. smirk lets them know who truly has the upperhand in the situation.
Having a mental and a physical “Me, Myself and I” place has saved many from a few choice words on more than one occasion. I have often counted down the hours until I can get to my tangible place. That place is a hot shower or bubble bath, where I can pray, think through my frustrations and leave them, reemerging with a clear head and refreshed attitude. I strongly suggest if you don’t have a ” Me, Myself and I” place, find one…it’s fab there!
Do share…where is your place?